im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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