I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
