she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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