Kareoke will never be a sober sport
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
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Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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