doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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