Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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