the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
