We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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