I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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