you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
