i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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