her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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