dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i think i have herpe
just one?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
