she's into porn, im staying here tonight
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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