She is in my trunk
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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