Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
