he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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