Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
