Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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