I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
