if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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