some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
