Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
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Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
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There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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