worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
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this is something i pride myself on being below average for
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
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I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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