didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
