Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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