just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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