ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
