you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
