I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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