I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
