I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
