i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
