today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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