i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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