This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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