So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
