it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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