I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
