sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
