youre lurking in front of me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
