my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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