My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
