Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
foreskin is a definite game changer
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize