ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
