Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
