I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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