he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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