The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
