Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
