nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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