I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
sarcasm needs its own font
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No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
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Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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