if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
