Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
