the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
