You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
