I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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