Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
there is glitter all over my balls
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
