When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
