Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
