I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Randomize
