speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I believe in your delicious
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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