You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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