got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
