she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
no, he came in my armpit
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
