Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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