well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the day after is always just damage control
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
