Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
