Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
