3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
