if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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