why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
