You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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